Puppies are HARD work.

Dog Training

After the terrible disappointment of our last puppy and Parvo we have waited a year for our ground to be clear of any sign of infection and decided it was time again to get another puppy! Meet Spencer.

Puppies are so cute and so soft and snuggly. They hold so much potential and are such a source of joy. Yet in our family getting a puppy is also a lot of work. We run a 2-3 week BOOTCAMP for puppy and kids and parents. Laying most everything else aside we start creating the experiences that we want later on and for the rest of the dog's life.

There are so many amazing dog training books out there but they are not all created equal and I've spent many years reading books and talking to family who have been very successful for dog training and we have a bit of dog training program that has always been very successful for us.

Dog training for me has two part- building the relationship and defining expectations.

Building the relationship is the fun part, the snuggles and playtime joy of watching them discover new things like snow or toys or even their own tail.

Defining expectations is a bit more tedious. We believe that a dog who knows what is expected of them is a better dog and a happier dog. So from the very first day we set those expectations. I don't want to have a dog for the next 10 years that is a handful, that is not reliable and that I am always stressing about. I feel that a bit of hard work during the puppy stage is well rewarded for the rest of the dogs life.

Our motto when training is

" Don't give a command that you cannot make them do or they will think of it as a suggestion"

What that means is that you cannot, from across the room, yell "sit" and expect that will be successful- we teach the children , and remind ourselves that we have to be present and physically able to follow through so that the dog actually is successful EVERY SINGLE TIME that word is said. The only exception if the command "go pee!"

When we first bring puppy home it is a big and scary place and there are lots of rules and expectations. We try to help the puppy be successful by not letting them ever navigate alone in those first days. If puppy is really young (8-9 weeks old) we actually keep them in our arms for most of the first three days, with a couple of hours a couple of times each day in the kennel unless we are outside then they are onleash. They are in our arms because when they have to pee they will squirm and we can rush them outside to their pee spot and say "go pee" and be ready to reward them with treats and snuggles as soon as they pee. When they are outside playing with them onleash and they go to the bathroom we repeat the command "go pee" . We also have a hand signal for every command. It works so much better for the children to have a hand signal because otherwise they sometimes end up saying "do you have to go potty, now is a good time to go" or rather "blah blah blah blah blah" to the pup!!

Within 2-3 days every pup is fully housebroken to our home. It will take much more time before they are housebroken to other homes!! And then pup spends more and more time out of the kennel in the house on leash. Yep, puppy stays on a 6-8 foot leash attached to my belt loop for those first few weeks with the exception of training which may also include a leash but usually a longer one!

This umbilical chord  approach does two things protects and defines roles. First of all it protects the children, I know where the dog is at all times and have the control to be able to pull back the dog if it were to try to hurt them. That has never happened mind you. What it has done many times is save the puppy from getting into trouble or getting hurt (or getting over loved by the children!). It also sets the tone in the family and there have been times when the puppy was particularly nippy with one child so I would attach the leash to that child for the day and the puppy would learn that they are a dog and that position is at the bottom of our family pecking order!

The most important command is "COME". A dog that doesn't have good recall is a dog that is at risk.  We start teaching this command from the very first day. When puppy is running into our arms we say COME. We also do two or three training sessions per day. Little puppies only can handle 5 mins at a time but older puppies can enjoy 20 mins of training and since we use food rewards we always do it BEFORE a mealtime so they are a little hungry and more motivated. 

Why is recall important? Why do you have to know that your dog will always COME on command ? That's easy- how many dogs have gotten out of their leash while out for a walk? Slipped under a fence? slipped out the door when company came over or when the child didn't close the door? Every single dog I've ever owned has had at least one of these experiences. I believe teaching COME is a life or death command.

Putting the puppy on a long and heavier leash (I like the metal ones that are really thin so they are not super heavy but have a bit of weight to them) we set them up with a toy and then move a little bit away and firmly say COME holding our arms open and holding a treat. Once puppy starts to come we repeat the word again - COME- then when puppy gets to us we have a party with lots of snuggles and excitement and head pats and the treat. Sometimes puppy doesn't come immediately, they are distracted or don't' associate that word with them. Then we repeat the word COME and we pull the leash steadily towards ourselves . We do not jerk it or jiggle it, just pull it and repeat the word COME as they are "coming" and once they reach us we have a party and they get a treat. 

After about a week or so they learn to love that word COME- no other word gets such a party or such good treats. Then we move to the lighter weight leash and go farther away and continue to teach this word many times a day. Sometimes with a treat, sometimes without but always with a party of excitement when they reach us.  Finally we move to fishing line. This is an important step because now you can be far away, maybe even out of sight and the puppy doesn't know why they are coming (if they are getting pulled along) but they just do it. They believe that they must come at that command. We take turns with who does this command and we do it inside and outside but always on leash. It generally takes about 2 weeks for this to be a solid command- some puppies have learned it in a day or two but we continue hard core for a few weeks and then reinforce it at least once a day when we can make them do it- this is probably for the first year to be honest. It is easy to get into the habit of using the COME command and having a party. We never use the command if we are discipline our dog. Which brings us to motto number 2.

Puppy will NEVER be punished for obeying a command .

We have found ourselves chasing a puppy to pull something out of their mouth but wouldn't' use the word COME in those early training months because then COME is associated with them losing out on something.

Puppies need to explore with their mouths and we believe that it is super important to give puppies lots of things to chew, different textures and flavours! It has been recommended that we put a drop of vanilla extract on everything that is the puppies so that they associate that scent with what belongs to them. We haven't done it yet but I think it is a good idea and had meant to do it this time. Having puppy attached to you means that you can correct puppy immediately if they are gnawing on your baseboards or trying to chew the mittens.

Puppies should ever have their teeth touch human skin. Nipping , biting and mouthing are normal puppy behaviours but they do not have any room in our home. Every time puppy's teeth touches skin we yelp and turn away ignoring the puppy for 30 seconds. Usually very quickly puppy learns that if he wants to play he will need to have manners. One of the best ways to keep the play going is to have a toy in one hand ready to put gently in the puppy's mouth before they reach the hand. If puppy is biting hard or cannot calm down then they will get some time out in the kennel.

Kennel training is a new thing for us in the last few years. We had gotten a rescue dog that was kennel trained and part of the agreement was that we would provide a kennel. We had no idea how amazing a kennel would be! There are lots of great resources for kennel training. We try to start with the end in mind so we included kennel time right from the beginning because it would be a regular part of pups day at least for the next 2 years!

Our Day

4 am (or whenever they cry) wake up to take puppy out to pee, putting them on leash and not speaking at all except to announce "pee" when they pee. Putting them back in the kennel.

7 :00 am wake up and taking puppy out to pee. Once they pee then a bit of playtime outside and training. Then we all have breakfast as a family and then after we have eaten we take 5-20 mins to do playtime and training for puppy. After this puppy eats and goes back outside right away. We try not to play before they do their "business" because we always want them to go as soon as possible.

8:30 puppy goes in the kennel for 3 hours while we do our daily tasks/chores

11:30 puppy gets taken outside to pee and then playtime and a bit of training and then will come and stay on leash for a few hours at my side.

3:00 puppy gets taken outside to pee and then playtime and a bit of training and then into the kennel until after we finish supper. We might go to the store or we might stay home and just get things done, the puppy learns that the kennel is a normal part of their day.

6:30 after we are finished eating supper puppy gets taken out to pee and then training 5-20 mins and then gets fed again. Then needs to go out again for the next 20-30 mins outside. Then we have family reading/snuggle time so puppy gets some cuddles or gets to play with toys at our feet. We often will barricade the living room and take them off leash and put out toys to have a bit more freedom for an hour or two as we are present but not necessarily working with puppy. No more water given

8:30 puppy goes into the kennel while we do bedtime routine as puppy is never in our bedrooms.

9:30 puppy goes out to pee and play and train and then comes inside to go to bed for the night.

Children Are Too Smart!

I have started my journey of homeschooling although truth be told we're rarely home and rarely schooling by any definition you might expect. When we are home I try to find a balance between technology and what I call "real life" but as many mammas I even struggle personally with this concept.

My children all do "homework " on the computer and my oldest at 6 years old has started an online typing class. So the other day when she wanted me to print out a computer keyboard for her to practise i didn't think much of it -she glued it on cardboard and made her own computer with 4 sections on the screen, camp (an online mommy group), facebook, yahoo and reading eggs (one of the greatest children's learn to read online programs)

I realized i obviously spend too much time on the computer in front of them. So my husband and I talked and decided I would set a 30 min limit (in front of them) and then they would see me use it in moderation.

The next morning - proud of the idea of setting a limit for them as well as for me I announced excitedly "we have a 30 min computer rule now in our house" when my oldest woke up and jumped on her "computer".

She paused- looked up and said- "um...mom do you mean i am only allowed to look at this piece of CARDBOARD for 30 mins a day- are you serious?"

And i had to laugh- and then say um....i guess so.?!

How do you manage the computer time in your house for the kids? For yourself?

Homeschooling Resources

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Whack - A- Mole (aka a day in the life of a mother)

Do you remember this game? It was one of my favorite games growing up (little did I know that once I got married and had children it would be the theme of my life!). For those who don't know the game - one or two or three of the little moles will pop their head out of the holes and you have to use the padded hammer to hit them hard enough to make them go back inside. The object of the game is to hit each one that pops up before it goes down on its own. It sounds simple enough but as the game progresses more moles pop out and it goes faster and faster and you never know which hole a mole will pop out of so by the end of the game you are exhausted by the tension!

Doesn't that sound familiar? Mommy needs to whack a mole- someone had a potty accident on the floor- let me run deal with that before the next mole pops up. The phone rings, the baby cries, the dog needs to be let outside. Then the game continues. You work on speech therapy with your oldest, juggle strange a strange diet for your youngest, make sure your middle child gets enough playdates and then run to work out and do the shopping, the laundry and then your husband needs your attention too. You're asked to make cookies for playschool, brownies for church and then clean up because mom's coming over.

When you think you're done at the end of the day because your little darlings are all sleeping snug in their beds- then the mental game persists. There was a lot of whining today- we need to start doing more community service. My girls are struggling with neat writing- we need to do more schoolwork. Actually we really need to up the school work- this is our first year homeschooling and so far it feels like we're never home and never schooling! We haven't had the neighbors over for supper yet- it's only been 2 years- but we'll schedule that for this weekend too. Tomorrow I'll pay the bills and do the taxes and plant the garden and register for violin lessons for next year. And what about Bible study- how did that get neglected 4 days this week? That will be a priority for tomorrow.

By the next morning I've got 32 moles staring looking at me before the day even begins!

But I loved the game as a child because it has purpose. You knew what you were supposed to do- and sure a few moles slipped through the cracks- but you attacked each one you could with zeal. And that was a good feeling.

I pray that I can remember Ecclesiastes 9:10 Whatsoever your hand finds to do, do it with your might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, where you go.

And be thankful that today I'm here and that i have things to do and the ability with which to do them- even if sometimes it gets a bit overwhelming.

** A special thank you to my dear friend Rachael for the analogy**

What game do you play each day?

Terrible Horrible Miserable Me

Today I'm having a bad day. A rotten, miserable, horrible day. This is day 5 of my family being sick. I'm overtired, not feeling well myself and I'm stressed. I'm stressed about my baby who is not just sick with bronchitis- which would be bad enough- but she also has a genetic disease (PKU) which makes everything oh so much more complicated.

I like having control over my environment- I live a very routine based life. I like having and following rules. I don't like surprises.

But I'm like a helpless babe when it comes to my dealing with my daughter. This is her third illness in the last 9 weeks. I feel humbled and it is an uncomfortable feeling.

I could explain the legitimate reasons to be stressed about her illness. I could ask for pity for the little sleep i've gotten and the stress i've had in the last week- family stress, battling a religious understanding that I don't really want to accept, my oldest turning 6, having to put our dog down.

I spent this morning telling myself how miserable this week has been. And then when the hospital called with the latest blood work results I dissolved into tears and filled with anger.

I feel so alone. I feel so responsible for everything. I feel so angry. I wonder what it feels like to really lose it, I wonder when you know you've hit the breaking point. Standing in the middle of my living room bawling- trying to gain perspective. It could be worse. I'm not in the middle of war. I'm not watching my children starve to death. I have a family. I am so blessed.

So what do you do when you feel like you cannot take it anymore- you pray. And you pray. And you pray. And when you still cannot get up you keep praying until you can. And you know that there is a lesson here.

And know that it might get worse-that it *will* get worse- but that life isn't about today or this week.

So i'll go sweep the floor, make lunch - snuggle my little and not little babies and pray that tomorrow is better. I will find comfort in the routines of my life until I find peace.

I won't continue my little pity party today (although i 'm still pretty crabby)- but won't promise not to have another one tomorrow. But I have faith. I will have faith. There is a plan and a reason and lesson here.


Parenting is hard.

Living is hard.

Loving is hard.

Life is hard.

But it is all so worth it.

tell me what's awesome in your life right now- what makes everything else worth it!

What you NEED to know about Toys for children under 10

When my first child was born I was a part of a mom and baby group. We went to each other's house once a week and let our babies play and agonized over how little we slept, how little they ate and what exactly we were supposed to be D-O-I-N-G with our babies all day long.

Such is the joy of being a first time mom. It is great to get baby snuggles- but by about 3 months old you look around and say- I've been slacking- I need to catch up. My baby hasn't learned anything in the last three months except how to latch. I'll get her some toys.

And so it begins.

Toys- Toys- Toys- Toys.

There is nothing as wonderful as seeing your child's eyes light up when they get a new toy- and nothing as wonderful as the feeling you get when watch them playing with the toy and loving it! It is almost addictive- such an easy way to get a smile and at least 20 mins of facebook time- a dollarstore trinket or a new toy to their set. Seems harmless enough.

And every different toy seems to come in sets- so you feel that it is somehow incomplete if you have the little people farm and no extra animals, and then you get a few more people with the animals and you realize you need a house for them, and school bus for the kids to go to school and a playground and the next thing you realize is that you have an awful lot of plastic. And year after year, child after child- birthdays and holidays = presents and you end up with more and more and more. And it all looks in new condition- so you cannot justify throwing it away. And you hesitate to break up the set you've spent the last 3 years collecting.....

What are you to do?

I know of some parents who keep the toys in large plastic totes, sometimes by set- one little pony tote, one littlest pets shop tote - or sometimes by color - all the red toys, all the blue toys, etc- and sometimes by skill types - gross motor skill toys grouped together, complex cognitive toys grouped together. And yet in time-and with enough children- the system falls apart and you are left with a heap of colorful pieces that no one uses for their once intended purpose.

I muse on this today as i have been cleaning toys for two hours this morning and am not finished yet. The puzzles were mixed up, the boxes overturned and now i'm left to pick up the pieces- literally. And i'm really struggling not to just toss them all away.

Alone they look meaningless and worthless. They are in a heap in my stairwell as I sort between what belongs in the toyroom downstairs and what belongs in the girl's bedrooms. It is now i am tempted to toss them. But I know that once they are in their place my resolve will have weakened. Afterall when the My Little Pony sits amidst all of her matching pony's I can fantasize about how all three children will come downstairs on a rainy afternoon and spend hours creating pony land and playing and growing and laughing. When the My Little Pony sits with the others there is safely in numbers. I know there is no reason for my 3 girls to have 26 ponies. In fact I feel ashamed of this fact. Yet, when they are all together I just cannot bear to start getting rid of some of them- how could I chose?

I've bought into the idea that our children need these toys. Each different kind of toy- figurines, blocks, balls, puzzles, animals, doctor sets, dress up clothing, sorting toys, pattern toys, fine motor skill toys, gross motor skill toys, and of course musical toys.

I'm wrong.

They don't need these toys- and in fact these toys are preventing me from being a good parent. I'm almost in tears admitting this- but for the last two hours and for at least a couple of hours EVERY SINGLE WEEK- when I could have been enjoying time with my children I've been cleaning their toys up, rotating toys, reorganizing toys.

My mother says clutter is whatever keeps you from living the life you want to live.

I want to spend more time one on one with my girls- i want to talk to them, create stories and let my pointer finger be Mr. Spider and go on an adventure around the house. Right now I couldn't crawl around the house b/c I would injure myself on the lego and itty bitty polly pocket pets which seem to find their way under my feet and knees.

What you ( and I ) need to know about toys is that they are supposed to be the accessories. We as parents are the outfit and they are just the accessories. Somehow along the way we've forgotten that. We've spent more money than we can afford on things that promise smarter kids and happier homes- but in the end we've created more clutter, more cleaning and more stress.

Why should our children have fewer toys?

1. When children have too many toys they are unable to form as strong attachments to their toys.

2. When our children have too many toys they are often unable to keep them tidy and they often end up not valuing each toy as much. While this may not seem like a problem to the mother who has forgotten to pack the treasured dinky car or polly pocket on a vacation- it does present itself as a problem when our children do not value or take care of what they have. What kind of adults will they become?

3. Ever wonder why today's children seem to lack long attention spans? A quick look around most bedrooms and playrooms might give a good answer. When children have too much "stuff" they are easily distracted and cannot focus on one activity with one toy.

4. Children with fewer toys are happier (?) It is a balance issue- a child who only has one barbie is not by her lack of toys going to be happier than the one who has a roomful. But let's not for a moment believe that toys make children happy- they don't.

5. Last but certainly not least- your children need fewer things if the things are taking away from their experiences as children, distracting them from being imaginative, creative and social! And if those things are negatively impacting the relationship you have with them- because you are too busy cleaning up the toys to play with them or because the toys act as a replacement parent.

So this week I have decided that my children do not need collections of Little People, Polly Pockets, Barbies, My Little Ponies and Littlest Pet Shops. They do not need multiple doll houses for each different kind of doll. They do not need multiple flashing lights activity toys. They do not need 5 different kinds of blocks. I will finish sorting the toys and then I will do my kids a favor and take away the "clutter" that is preventing me from being the best mom I can be.

Stay updated to see what i've purged this week!

TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR LOVE/HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR KIDS TOYS- HOW DO YOU DEAL?

Splish Splash- Let's Talk About The Bath!

When we were in our first prental class the teacher suggested that the dad have one child task that the mother never did- that way he could become the expert. We chose bathing. Now 5 years later my husband still does most of the bath nights- I help by getting towels and jammies. However last night daddy was working late- the baby C had mushed food in her hair- there was no avoiding it. I was going to have to bath the three girls. It starts off so well when they realize it is bath night........

The girls squeal in delight and run upstairs super excited- i clean the bathtub and fill it up with water- they clamber in. Then S. is "a mermaid" and baby C won't sit down and starts screaming when i try to get her to sit. Then S screams when i suggest we wash her hair. As if they didn't know that was what we were doing in the tub in the first place. Baby C screams b/c her sister is screaming. Tears start flowing, snot is flying. I have to haul Baby C out of the tub dripping wet and into her crib b/c she's hysterical and i cannot get S's hair done otherwise. S *almost* lays down and gets about 1% of her hair wet. I put my hand under her head and gently lower it- whispering soft soothing words. She screams at the top of her lungs. She starts lashing out like a cat. I put on the shampoo and let her lather it up. Then we have to rinse. She decides she needs to lay down on a pillow- our only bath pillow is too high and her hair won't get wet. We try to negotiate. Finally I just rinse her hair. She flails everywhere and gets water in her face. She screams and I think she's going to bite me so I cover her mouth. I finish rinsing her hair - i'm not going to stop now then have to deal with it all over again. Then I dry her face. She smiles- " i'm' so good mom I didn't even cry"....no kiddo you didn't cry.....you just screamed bloody murder. Then I get Baby C from her crib- she looks like a drowned rat and we've not even started. I bring her to the tub and she clings to me like a monkey and I have to pry her off and try to bring her to the tub. She looks very suspicious. I tell her it will be ok- i just need to get her hair washed then they can play - and i slowly lower her head to the water and she opens her mouth and screams and then flips over- face first into the water. If she wasn't mad before now she's spitting mad and a bit scared too. I try to move fast- by the end she's furious with me. I'm so glad N can manage it on her own now. This is the first year she is not screaming too. When i'm done i'm just d-o-n-e.

I've tried to use water to pour on their heads, i've tried to use water from the tap, i've tried the shower. The girls just scream and claw and climb up onto my head (in the case of the shower). Any suggestions- how do you bathe your children?

If my kids stink- pity me don't judge me.