Give a Little Love!

When my first daughter was born, while we were still in the hospital, she was nursing and started choking. I ran -frantic- to the nurses station where the nurse grabbed her, flipped her over and patted her back. She started to cry. It was the most beautiful sound compared to the almost silent gasping she had done before. The nurse looked at me and said " ALWAYS be thankful that your baby is crying- it means they are alive". My first born was a horrible sleeper, and then suffered from night terrors and cried often. I was often exhausted but when i'd hear her cry i'd be thankful that she was alive. Now my girls are older and are at the stage I call "active " parenting. I feel like i'm often correcting. But sometimes I get a reality check. When I see how desperately some parents hope for their children to be able to shout even if it is at their sister, or whisper after lights out or write on the wall, or go play and drag mud in the house, or chase the dog I remember first to be thankful that my children are growing up able to do these things. I still have to correct my children - but do it more gently and thankfully these days.

This is Teagan before a prolonged seizure left her without sight, ability to speak and virtually no control over her body.

Over the last two years her family has worked hard to help her extensive brain injuries. They have been working with local healthcare professionals and alternative natural therapies. These are helpful, but the greatest chances are occurring with an alternative treatment she's gotten from MNRI therapy by Dr. Masgutova. On this link is a short video illustrating how far she's come. And how far she still has to go.

http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/treatment4teagan/98097

I met her family years ago, long before Teagan's seizure. A Christian homeschooling  family of 4 girls they inspired me to consider homeschooling for my own family.  Their  children are a wonderful testament to the love and care showered down on them. My own children call her daughters the "T" girls - and while they have not had an opportunity to hang out with them in over a year- their memories of them are so strong they still talk about how wonderful they are. Especially neat considering the fact that these girls are considerably older than mine and into their own teenage stuff- but yet took the time to make my littles feel treasured!

After a particularly successful treatment this summer the family is in full swing for fundraising to help raise enough  money to send her again (and again and again!). They've done online auctions, and BBQ fundraisers, bottle drives and selling everything from candles to spices to chocolates door to door. They have been wonderfully successful allowing them to go to the united states for treatment three times already. But now they are starting again. Trying again. And my heart breaks for them. And I wish I could reach out and convince everyone to give $10 or $25 so they can help reach their goal- at least for the next treatment- because it adds up and fuels hope. Hope that maybe one day they will be able once again to communicate with their little girl- hope that people really do have goodness and generosity and hope that  one day their life might resume what we take for granted every single day- normalcy !

I don't know how to get this story out- or how to get help for this family , maybe you can help ? Maybe YOU can donate $10 or $25 or $10,000 to help them reach their goal? And if you cannot right now afford to help, please pass this on, and please get on your knees and pray! Thank you so much.


http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/treatment4teagan/98097

For more information
http://www.treatment4teagan.org/

Boston Marathon Tragedy

This morning my mother called me to tell me that she and my sister had booked to run their first 1/2 marathon together later this year. My mom is a seasoned marathon runner and so it was exciting to hear that my sister would join her.

This afternoon there were at least two explosions that went off during the Boston Marathon. An 8 year old  died. Over a hundred injured- the numbers keep increasing. My little baby will be 8 this year so this really really hits home.

I didn't hear about it right away- I was at a field trip chatting with other homeschool mothers - we talked about social media and technology and the world our kids were going to grow up in. A world where there was uncertainty and violence and information- lots of information- but sometimes not enough wisdom.

My children won't know about this tragedy. We do not watch television and they are not online on their own.  And I am thankful I can protect them from this- thankful that I can shield them - even if only a little bit for a little while- from some of the ways evil portrays itself.

One of my go-to parenting books that is in my shelf is Simplicity Parenting  and I love this book for so many reasons but i think my favorite part is when the author Kim John Payne discucsses why it is important to shield our children from the evil and the ugly in the world- since it is so elequently expressed in this book I will not try to restate it here- but basically the idea is that childhood is a special opportunity and should be cherished as they will grow up too soon. The wonderment and beauty of the world should not be tarnished for them by the grown up fears and issues.

So I will not tell my children- but I will hug them a little closer and read and extra story tonight. I will pray for those who were killed and injured and their families.

And I will wonder- what has happened to our world? Another senseless tragedy- it is just so heartbreaking.                                      

PKU ~ A Day in Our Life

Last week my youngest daughter crossed a threshold from toddler into preschooler and I spent most of her birthday remembering not the day of her birth but the defining moment when she was 7 days old. Perhaps you've read that story HERE so I won't repeat it but it was a terrifying time for us as a family. We didn't know what PKU would mean for us and for our lives and most of all what that would mean for our precious Carolyn.

Here we are 3 years later. Carolyn wakes up in the morning and comes to snuggle and promptly announces she wants her "milky" but before I'm even up she's off again playing with her older sisters- somedays she's a horse named Cookie and some days she's a kitten named Saraphina. Every day is full of laughter and fun. And most days a bit of mischief too. So after her morning "milky" (her PKUspecial formula that she will be on for the rest of her life) we all sit down for breakfast- she enjoys vanilla flavored cultured coconut milk and raspberries. She also enjoys a specialized PKU porridge that took me forever to figure out how to make (I boil water and let it sit for about 5 mins then add about one cup of water to 62 grams of PKU porridge and stir for 4 min). Some days we special pancakes that come from a special pPKU pre made mix. And some days she has her special PKU toast with Biscoff spread. I was so worried when she was born that she would never be able to sit and eat with us- because she would long for what we were having and not have anything at all. Instead the opposite is true- most days her sisters wish they had PKU because they think that her food looks more interesting than theirs (although when I've ever let them taste something they say it is "yucky" so we now have a stricter no sharing policy and a severe no saying "yuck" policy!). She doesn't cry because she is hungry- she cries because i make her sit at the table to finish her food! After i re-weigh what she didn't eat and log her food and plan what food she will need for the rest of the day to reach exactly her phe requirements and her calorie requirements then our day really begins.

I homeschool our children and the reason I started was actually out of fear. You're not supposed to admit that but I was afraid that Carolyn would not be able to have PKU and thrive in the school system. I was worried she would get a cookie from a parent helper or be bullied because her "milky " smells weird. So I pulled our oldest out of school and have never looked back. We love homeschooling and we're all thriving in so many ways. Today though I don't have that same fear- at barely 3 years old whenever someone gives her anything she asks if it is "low phe" or "high phe" and if they do not know the answer she asks if they have weighed it and if not then she will not eat it. In fact one day I was feeding her and absentmindedly put my spoon from my plate in her mouth and she wouldn't close her mouth- I quickly realized what I had done and took the offending food out of her mouth and she promptly said " I don't want to get SICK mom!".

So our day begins with a bit of reading and puzzles (she can do a 24 piece puzzle at this point) and then either play doh or beading or coloring while I help her older sisters. She does a computer reading program a couple of days a week. She is amazing. She works on writing her letters and colors better and better every week. She is a bit of a handful sometimes- she has lots of spunk and always thinks she is right and doesn't always listen to rules and is sometimes openly defiant. There are times when I cannot find a consequence or a bribe for her to change her behavior and I wonder if that is PKU related. She's sometimes shey- even with us- and I wonder if that is PKU related. I suppose I will always wonder. She is gentle with her dolls and loves them very very much - but she also is in love with tractors and big trucks and likes to wrestle and play farme (which is interesting as we have a houseful of girls who are all very girly and so she's had to find this path on her own). She is the most empathetic child I've ever met and is always there to kiss it better and make people get along.

We have lunch and she's started to eat soup (although she doesn't like it) or sandwhiches with her special PKU bread and lots of veggies or sometimes for a special treat - french fries! My daughter has a tolerance of 250mg of PHE per day. It is one of the lowest tolerances in our area. I was terrified there wouldn't be anything I could feed her- but there really is. Her favorite is PKU pasta and Daiya Cheese Alternative. And of course more of her "milky"!

After lunch she still has a nap- and I generally can gauge her level of PHE in her blood by how well she sleeps both at naptime and during the night. When her levels are high she simply doens't sleep- she'll fall asleep for a few moments and then wake up again- she won't nap and the combination of her feeling unwell from her high levels and her lack of sleep makes her difficult. She's uncharacteristically mean, will destroy things, have tantrums and generally be angry and defiant. Thankfully these times are rare. Most of the time we have a change in levels it is becaue she's been ill. Another PKU mother once suggested that i manipulate the calories and PHE on days she is ill and since then it has been much better. They need more calories when they are ill in order to function.

After naptime we might head out to swimming lessons or go to for a playdate or go shopping. She is very social and while she is sometimes very shy as well she thoroughly enjoys other children - and plays well with them. She 's starting to play real games like Candyland and she somehow always wins.

For supper she eats only vegetables and has her  "milky" so we are always careful to make sure that we all share the same vegetables as often as possible. There are many families who take the stance that their PKU child must learn to be different from an early age so they do not provide the same kinds of food whenever possible. I take the opposite stance. I believe that PKU is a big deal and we talk about it a lot- we talk about how many calories and how much PHE she's eaten and if she wants something that is higher PHE we negotiate on what she'll need to eat that is lower phe for the rest of the day. But her plate looks similar to her sisters whenever possible!

By the end of the day it is time for bed and she pretty much gets herself ready, we read a story and thank God for our blessings and for the fact we live in such an awesome country that provides access to special food and formula to help her thrive.

Perspectives on Parenting

Today I brought my 5 year old daughter to the hospital to see one of her friends.It was a hard visit. A short visit where most of it was spent in tears. We went to visit a little 4 year old epileptic girl who had a terrible 2 1/2 hour long seizure just over a week ago. She seizured for so long that they needed to induce her into a coma, then when they tried to bring her back out she kept having more seizures. She has now woken up but has suffered severe brain damage and we don't know what her future holds.

That's how fast it happens isn't it. One moment you are worrying about whether or not your child is chewing with their mouth open, whether or not you should put them in full or half day kindergarten, or agonize for months over whether or not to homeschool. One moment you panic because your child is not crawling or talking or walking as fast as the neighbors. And the next moment you enter the hospital and see an entire community of parents who know what real issues are.

In a moment your perspective changes and you hug your kids a little tighter and let them stay up a little longer and realize what a blessing it is to be able to say " I SAID you had to eat your cauliflower " and to say " stop fighting with your sister" . Because in every city in this country there is a hospital with parents who would give anything to be able to say that to their children.

Sometimes I feel sorry for myself - I think foolish things like why does my child have to have a metabolic disease, why do i have a child who struggles with stuttering and why don't I have family close by when I need a babysitter on short notice. And then I get a dose of perspective.

I debated whether or not I should bring my daughter. I wanted to support the mom who i'm also friends with, but finally I decided I would. It would give her a bit of perspective too. And maybe understand why I wouldn't feel sorry for her when she learned we don't have dessert for supper tonight. We talked a lot about what she would see before we were there- but it was still harder on both of us than I imagined it would be. Over the next few days as she processes it and we continue to talk we'll learn if it was a good idea or not.

Isn't that how all parenting goes- you do the best you can and then you realize too late if it was a good idea afterall.

I'm hurting for this family and wish I could do something- raise money or give them something that would make their life a little bit easier- but what? Any suggestions? How do you give them hope? what do you say? I simply don't know.

The Great Education Debate - Part 2 - What Do I Want My Children To Learn?

I went out for a great dinner with a few friends last month and asked them "what are three traits/characteristics would you like your children to have as adults. " Their answers differed from what mine were. In fact, the more people I spoke with the more varied the answers.

If I only had to pick the top three traits for my kids I'd say I want my children to be; honest, empathetic and have self control. I want a lot more for my children too (including for them to be really good at making suppers LOL!) but those are my top three. What are yours?

There is a lot of talk in my world these days about goals and the importance of articulating a measurable goal. So I started brainstorming about what exactly my goals were as a parent. Afterall if I don't have goals then where exactly am I heading? Somedays I 'll admit i'm just surviving until bedtime, but for the most part I feel like I need a direction. I need a plan. Especially now when they are young and I rarely get constructive feedback about how I am doing. There are no quarterly reviews, no bonuses and certainly no raises and so I feel more comfortable if I can at least have a rough map of where we might be heading- short term and long term.

I'm not very creative so I often piece together what others have already outlined as their goals and try to fit them into my philosophical and religious belief systems. It was through this that I accidently stumbled on a list of things kids should know before they leave home.

It was an interesting list that included everything from how to plan meals and shop on a budget, balance your checkbook, change a tire, and how to write a formal letter. It also included a list of academic objectives that the parents had outlined as being relevant to them (I'd post the list itself but i'm not sure who to give credit to) . I was surprised because some of these things I didn't even know how to do.

And yet if I thought about it- I figure they might be helpful and relevant.

Which brought me to the question- what do I want for my children ?

I want them to have a solid understanding of the Bible- not just to be able to memorize texts but to learn it as a life guide and also a lesson in the history of the human condition.

I want my children to have strong social skills, to be able to navigate through different kinds of situations and be able to read people, communicate well, be empathetic and be able to see the good in people and understand that there is also bad influences too.

I want my children to be content and at peace in their family life, their financial life and their work life. I want them to feel gratitude and humility.

I want my children to participate as part of a family and larger community and therefore give and learn to be self sacrificing and believe that it really does take a village to raise a child and to be happy in general but still recognize their individual value and self worth.

I want my children to be educated- which to me includes the ability to be able to solve problems and seek help when they need it. But I want them to be hard workers who don't just find others to solve their problems.

I want my children to be self confident and technically I want them to read, write, play an instrument and read music, speak two or three languages, have a decent understanding of history, geography, math and sciences. I want them to be able to play a good game of soccer and dance a waltz. I want them to be able to have a conversation with anyone. I want them to be able to amuse themselves and to self reflect.

I also want my child to be able to love and to feel loved - always.

At the end of every day could I look at what we did and say that we did things that contributed to these goals (and I'm sorry to say it but I don't think watching Dora counts for learning a second language even though my 2 year old sometimes spontaneously speaks some Spanish words!)

To be honest, some days I 'm not sure how many of those objectives i've hit for each child. Especially on days when my oldest goes to school and the day seems to be a whirlwind of getting her and the other ones ready and dropping her off at school. Then when I pick her up she is exhausted and often falls asleep in the car. Snacktime, downtime, violin practice (or lessons depending on the day) and then supper needs to be made and then too soon it is bedtime. I'm struggling to spend the TIME with my oldest now that she is in school.

A few months ago all of my children came down with the chicken pox one after the other. We had an interesting time between being in quarantine and having pox parties. But I didn't dare send my oldest to school for two weeks then was christmas break for two weeks.

By the end of that month being at home I loved the fact I had *my* child back. She was the happy, helpful non sassy child I'd dropped off at school in September that had somehow been slowly drifting away. I hadn't even realized it until we spend that extra time together.

I had been expecting her to squabble more with her sisters, but they squabbled less. I had expected we'd all go stir crazy - but we had a lot of fun.

And yet I still didn't think that I would ever pull her out permanently and home school her. That homeschool thing was for crunchy granola mammas of 8 kids in denim jumpers wasn't it?

Yet the more I thought about the actual physical TIME i had with her each week and how much less time i'd have with her once she started dance lessons and soccer lessons and swimming lessons.....I started to be afraid that one day when she was 14 she might turn around and say " oh mom - you don't even KNOW me" and she'd be right.

I love my children more than I ever thought possible- and I've learned (through a lot of trial and error) that if I can "like" my children and enjoy their company then all of us have better days. But now I'm wondering what taking my child out of the home for 7+ hours a day will do to that relationship, and how it might hinder my parenting to/for my child. Sigh.

The Great Education Debate Intro

Have you seen this? I don't know if I am allowed to link this here but it is amazing!

My family is pretty mainstream and traditional. Dad works 9-5 (ish) job and I stay at home with our three children. We are hopefully getting a dog soon (see previous post http://researchedparenting.blogspot.com/2011/02/baby-baby-baby-dog.html ). Our life is pretty average. We try to eat well, do good things, be successful and try to find the elusive "balance" .

However, a few months ago we had a few interesting and unique situations and influences that have started to push into the the great HOMESCHOOL debate. It was never a place I expected to be in- I've got "I support public education" stickers I used to display all over when I studied education at university (I never finished the education degree as I quickly moved into the Arts but still fundamentally believed in our school system).

Yet one thing after the other seems to be stacking the deck towards reorganizing our life, pulling our oldest daughter out of the school system and not putting our other two in.

Over the next few postings I'd like to share some of the raw information with you that i've acquired. I do not believe homeschooling is for everyone, however I do think that homeschooling is often disregarded as a non option - when really it can be a successful (most successful?) option for all sorts of families /children.

Regardless of the method of education- having to define what you do (and do not) want your children to learn has been an interesting exercise. You are the parent. You do not "own" them but you do have a right and a responsibility to figure out how to educate them. They are in your folds for only a short time, but it is a critical time of their development.

I'm going to break this down into a few parts.

1) What does the public school system do ?
2) What do I want my child to know as an adult
3) How do children learn?
4) What is the recipe for success?

It is a dialoging process- please comment and share your research, your beliefs and your experiences. Collaboration = success!

Now- why did I include this clip? Well, for a few reasons - it is not only uber cool but it addresses the issue of 1) what does the school system do? " the purpose of schooling is to take present orientated little beasts and make them more future orientated and in some cultures make them more past orientated". It reminds us that our understanding of what we need to know, how we live, what we value, etc is all tangled up in our perception and socially constructed environment.

Does that mean there are no absolutes- of course not- but I think that before we can try to figure out how to educate our children as parents, teachers, or mentors (or before we can try to educate ourselves) we have to accept the fact that our attitudes and motivations and drives are going to limit us (at least to some extend) to success within our specific social context. More simply, what could create success in one situation might be detrimental in another. This is sobering when we think about the fact that our world is becoming more connected and interconnected all the time. So if we as parents are not open minded to the possibilities that are out there could we inadvertently be doing a great disservice to our children?

That is the question!