Boston Marathon Tragedy

This morning my mother called me to tell me that she and my sister had booked to run their first 1/2 marathon together later this year. My mom is a seasoned marathon runner and so it was exciting to hear that my sister would join her.

This afternoon there were at least two explosions that went off during the Boston Marathon. An 8 year old  died. Over a hundred injured- the numbers keep increasing. My little baby will be 8 this year so this really really hits home.

I didn't hear about it right away- I was at a field trip chatting with other homeschool mothers - we talked about social media and technology and the world our kids were going to grow up in. A world where there was uncertainty and violence and information- lots of information- but sometimes not enough wisdom.

My children won't know about this tragedy. We do not watch television and they are not online on their own.  And I am thankful I can protect them from this- thankful that I can shield them - even if only a little bit for a little while- from some of the ways evil portrays itself.

One of my go-to parenting books that is in my shelf is Simplicity Parenting  and I love this book for so many reasons but i think my favorite part is when the author Kim John Payne discucsses why it is important to shield our children from the evil and the ugly in the world- since it is so elequently expressed in this book I will not try to restate it here- but basically the idea is that childhood is a special opportunity and should be cherished as they will grow up too soon. The wonderment and beauty of the world should not be tarnished for them by the grown up fears and issues.

So I will not tell my children- but I will hug them a little closer and read and extra story tonight. I will pray for those who were killed and injured and their families.

And I will wonder- what has happened to our world? Another senseless tragedy- it is just so heartbreaking.                                      

A Mother's Silent Protest

I can feel myself taking deep breaths as I pace up and down in my  kitchen, scrubbing the counters with abandon. If you would watch me you might think I was lacking oxygen, fighting off tears or battling exhaustion but instead I'm trying to combat a little addiction of mine called Facebook. You see earlier today I (somewhat rashly) decided to take myself off of Facebook.

Now I have done this before- taken a "Facebook Fast" - however it has always been for myself for a set period of time. I've wanted to create more time or wanted to re-focus on an aspect of my life. Today though it is different.

Today I am making a silent protest. Silent because no one (save the 12 people who follow this blog) will ever know what I am doing. I am making a protest against the abuse of social media.  Earlier this week teen Rehtaeh Parons died after committing suicide because she couldn't escape the criminal harassment following a tragic rape.  Photos of her during the rape were taken and shared- on social media. And she feared that as long as she would live those photos could haunt her.

Social media is the communication medium for our current generation- they live their lives (to a large extent) based on the influences of social media. In some ways this is not so different from generations earlier when social norms were strictly enforced and those who deviated from those norms would face public humiliation and ridicule. But in some ways it is different. Social media ebbs and flows- not with Biblical standards, or a sense of right and wrong but instead rewarding that which is more different or extreme with more "likes" and  "comments" .  Social media is merely a tool, a technology that we must teach our children to control (rather than be controlled by it) but it is also something that plays into the deepest part of who we are-  we are driven by the need to belong, to find our place - to learn that we fit and it is this quest that makes us so so so vulnerable. On Facebook adults (myself included) struggle sometimes with hurt feelings or frustrations because we feel we are being judged incorrectly or misunderstood or simply not valued. I am so thankful that Facebook didn't exist when I was a teenager.

So today I say goodbye to my Facebook account in a small act of protest. I say good bye to my Facebook account because I am a mother to three wonderful little girls and I don't want them to grow up thinking that what matters is what is on Facebook. And while I will miss my Bible study groups, my homeschooling support, and the photos of friends around the world- I will sleep well knowing that I am doing what I can- as little and as insignificant as it might be.

I pray for Rehtaeh Parons and her family, I pray that Jesus returns, I pray that I can be a good mother and while I will at some point have to navigate the messy waters of social media with my children and teach them how to manage- today I do not. Today I just have to hold them close and be thankful they are ok.

Quotes for today  “We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” 
― Elie Wiesel

“To spend one's life being angry, and in the process doing nothing to change it, is to me ridiculous. I could be mad all day long, but if I'm not doing a damn thing, what difference does it make?” 
― Charles Fuller

No More Naked Barbie

My husband cannot imagine why this is making me so excited but I feel like i just won the Barbie lotto! 

        If your house is like mine there are more naked Barbies hanging around than you would care to admit. When someone comes over I try to stuff them behind the cushions or under the couch worried that the guests will be alarmed by such a sight. Now realistically I understand it is normal to strip dolls and especially Barbies and that it is difficult for little fingers to dress the dolls back again. I remember playing with many a naked Barbie as a child and I'm sure I turned out alright yet they still make me uncomfortable on some level. I know that Barbie doesn't have nipples and neither Barbie nor Ken have genitals. But somehow it still seems wrong to see them all thrown naked in the bottom of the Barbie drawer. I know many a household that has a "no naked Barbies outside of the house" rule. And some only let them play with this much disputed doll on the condition she remains clothed at all times!  While it may seem bizarre to those not in the middle of the Barbie season of your life- this is a real issue. 

       Well my friends- I have found the solution! This week at church a little girl joined our row with her Barbie in tow and her mother had painted a bra and undies on Barbie with black nail polish! It was so neat. So I quickly went home and started to paint our own Barbies. I painted bras and panties and swimsuits and a next on my list is a tankini . They are pink and blue in wonderful matching little ensembles and now at the end of the day when my children toss them in the Barbie drawer they don't look so naked- so exposed and so unloved. 

In fact their underwear ensembles even match- which is more than I can say for mine most days! 

** What do you think? What do you do with the Naked Barbie problem in your house? **

Why The Easter Bunny Doesn't Visit My House

Spring is in the air and it is time again for me to start thinking about cleaning- a type of spring cleaning if you will. A spiritual and physical time to reflect and purge the "old leaven" from my life. It wasn't so many years ago that springtime had a different meaning. I grew up with springtime synonymous with Easter baskets, chocolate and the smells of grandma's house.

It was one of my favorite times of the year- and yet it is one that my children have never experienced.

In university I started attending a few different churches- i'd go with friends to youth groups and various activities. I also was majoring in English Literature. So the Bible became a bit of a puzzle to work on, a bit of an interesting study - in a way it wasn't before. And I soon came to realize that most of the churches I was attending didn't actually follow the Bible. And I couldn't figure out why.

Instead of focusing on ways in which God has outlined - and behaviors that are listed as appropriate in His sight- it seemed that there was a greater fascination with Pagan customs and rituals. And I learned that the origins of what we know as Halloween, Christmas and Easter were not Christian origins.

And for some reason that didn't sit well with me.

And then I read this

"When the LORD your God cuts off from before you the nations which you go to dispossess, and you displace them and dwell in their land, take heed to yourself that you are not ensnared to follow them, after they are destroyed from before you, and that you do not inquire after their gods, saying, 'How did these nations serve their gods? I also will do likewise.' You shall not worship the LORD your God in that way; for every abomination to the LORD which He hates they have done to their gods; for they burn even their sons and daughters in the fire to their gods. Whatever I command you, be careful to observe it; you shall not add to it nor take away from it." (Deuteronomy 12:29-32).

And I wondered - is that what happened- did we just take on the customs of worship that other religions had and tried to "Christian-ize" them?

I understand that there are many good things that seem to come from celebrating Christmas and Easter- homeless are fed, people learn some things about Jesus and it is an enjoyable family time. But I think about the tree of good and evil. I think about how disobeying God was rationalized. And I wonder how we rationalize it today.

The other day I met someone and mentioned that I am preparing to observe Passover. She said oh- I must be celebrating the Jewish holidays. That is what most people say. Most people assume I am Jewish. Some remember that Jesus was born a Jew.

Some remember that 1 John 2:4-6  and 1 Corinthians 11:1.

I have many Jewish friends, and Muslim friends, and Catholic friends and I yet I am not any of these things- I am Christian by the most technical literal definition. I strive to follow Jesus Christ from the examples in the Bible. And since they do not mention chocolate bunnies, rabbits laying brightly colored eggs and the worship of the fertiltiy godess Ishtar as being behavior that Jesus Christ chose- then I will not chose that either- for as for me and my house- we will strive to follow the Lord- and not the preconceived ideas of my youth - but rather the black and white of the Bible that I am so blessed to be able to own.

In so many ways as a parent I find I'm second guessing myself- which curriculum is best, how many activities, how many Barbies (can I have Barbies? Should they be allowed to be naked? ) how do I discipline? - yet there are a few times when I don't have to wonder is this the "right" thing. For our family the Easter Bunny is not a part of our life and each year when talk to our children about the exodus out of Egypt and our own exodus out of sin I am reconfirmed that it is a good decision for our family!

PKU ~ A Day in Our Life

Last week my youngest daughter crossed a threshold from toddler into preschooler and I spent most of her birthday remembering not the day of her birth but the defining moment when she was 7 days old. Perhaps you've read that story HERE so I won't repeat it but it was a terrifying time for us as a family. We didn't know what PKU would mean for us and for our lives and most of all what that would mean for our precious Carolyn.

Here we are 3 years later. Carolyn wakes up in the morning and comes to snuggle and promptly announces she wants her "milky" but before I'm even up she's off again playing with her older sisters- somedays she's a horse named Cookie and some days she's a kitten named Saraphina. Every day is full of laughter and fun. And most days a bit of mischief too. So after her morning "milky" (her PKUspecial formula that she will be on for the rest of her life) we all sit down for breakfast- she enjoys vanilla flavored cultured coconut milk and raspberries. She also enjoys a specialized PKU porridge that took me forever to figure out how to make (I boil water and let it sit for about 5 mins then add about one cup of water to 62 grams of PKU porridge and stir for 4 min). Some days we special pancakes that come from a special pPKU pre made mix. And some days she has her special PKU toast with Biscoff spread. I was so worried when she was born that she would never be able to sit and eat with us- because she would long for what we were having and not have anything at all. Instead the opposite is true- most days her sisters wish they had PKU because they think that her food looks more interesting than theirs (although when I've ever let them taste something they say it is "yucky" so we now have a stricter no sharing policy and a severe no saying "yuck" policy!). She doesn't cry because she is hungry- she cries because i make her sit at the table to finish her food! After i re-weigh what she didn't eat and log her food and plan what food she will need for the rest of the day to reach exactly her phe requirements and her calorie requirements then our day really begins.

I homeschool our children and the reason I started was actually out of fear. You're not supposed to admit that but I was afraid that Carolyn would not be able to have PKU and thrive in the school system. I was worried she would get a cookie from a parent helper or be bullied because her "milky " smells weird. So I pulled our oldest out of school and have never looked back. We love homeschooling and we're all thriving in so many ways. Today though I don't have that same fear- at barely 3 years old whenever someone gives her anything she asks if it is "low phe" or "high phe" and if they do not know the answer she asks if they have weighed it and if not then she will not eat it. In fact one day I was feeding her and absentmindedly put my spoon from my plate in her mouth and she wouldn't close her mouth- I quickly realized what I had done and took the offending food out of her mouth and she promptly said " I don't want to get SICK mom!".

So our day begins with a bit of reading and puzzles (she can do a 24 piece puzzle at this point) and then either play doh or beading or coloring while I help her older sisters. She does a computer reading program a couple of days a week. She is amazing. She works on writing her letters and colors better and better every week. She is a bit of a handful sometimes- she has lots of spunk and always thinks she is right and doesn't always listen to rules and is sometimes openly defiant. There are times when I cannot find a consequence or a bribe for her to change her behavior and I wonder if that is PKU related. She's sometimes shey- even with us- and I wonder if that is PKU related. I suppose I will always wonder. She is gentle with her dolls and loves them very very much - but she also is in love with tractors and big trucks and likes to wrestle and play farme (which is interesting as we have a houseful of girls who are all very girly and so she's had to find this path on her own). She is the most empathetic child I've ever met and is always there to kiss it better and make people get along.

We have lunch and she's started to eat soup (although she doesn't like it) or sandwhiches with her special PKU bread and lots of veggies or sometimes for a special treat - french fries! My daughter has a tolerance of 250mg of PHE per day. It is one of the lowest tolerances in our area. I was terrified there wouldn't be anything I could feed her- but there really is. Her favorite is PKU pasta and Daiya Cheese Alternative. And of course more of her "milky"!

After lunch she still has a nap- and I generally can gauge her level of PHE in her blood by how well she sleeps both at naptime and during the night. When her levels are high she simply doens't sleep- she'll fall asleep for a few moments and then wake up again- she won't nap and the combination of her feeling unwell from her high levels and her lack of sleep makes her difficult. She's uncharacteristically mean, will destroy things, have tantrums and generally be angry and defiant. Thankfully these times are rare. Most of the time we have a change in levels it is becaue she's been ill. Another PKU mother once suggested that i manipulate the calories and PHE on days she is ill and since then it has been much better. They need more calories when they are ill in order to function.

After naptime we might head out to swimming lessons or go to for a playdate or go shopping. She is very social and while she is sometimes very shy as well she thoroughly enjoys other children - and plays well with them. She 's starting to play real games like Candyland and she somehow always wins.

For supper she eats only vegetables and has her  "milky" so we are always careful to make sure that we all share the same vegetables as often as possible. There are many families who take the stance that their PKU child must learn to be different from an early age so they do not provide the same kinds of food whenever possible. I take the opposite stance. I believe that PKU is a big deal and we talk about it a lot- we talk about how many calories and how much PHE she's eaten and if she wants something that is higher PHE we negotiate on what she'll need to eat that is lower phe for the rest of the day. But her plate looks similar to her sisters whenever possible!

By the end of the day it is time for bed and she pretty much gets herself ready, we read a story and thank God for our blessings and for the fact we live in such an awesome country that provides access to special food and formula to help her thrive.

Shooting in Connecticut - This is not why I home school my kids

By now we've all heard about the tragedy that has hit Connecticut earlier today. The deaths of so many innocent children - kindergarten children - just sitting in their classroom is almost too much to wrap one's mind around.

In response there has been a fury of Facebook and other social media debates- gun debates, debates about God and debates about funding for mental illness. And debates about public school .

The word "homeschooling" is being tossed around as a last ditch hope.

And as much as I love our homeschooling experience and as much as I would love to see a revival of the homeschooling movement- this bothers me. It bothers me because homeschooling isn't a last ditch hope- where your kids will be safe from the evils of the world. Homeschooling isn't the equivalent of locking them up in a bubble wrapped life.

Homeschooling is a blessing to our family because I am able to spend so much wonderful time with my kids and because they are able to spend so much time together - playing and being kids.Homeschooling is a blessing to our family because of how we are able to finally find the time to instill the values we want for our children, finally have the time to be the parents we envisioned we would be before kids came along. We also spend less time disciplining and more time loving on our children because we make realistic routines for them that are consistent yet flexible (sometimes we just need a rest or reset time!). It has been so much more for our family than we had ever imagined it could be.

But it will not protect your children from evil. Mass shootings at shopping centers, movie theaters and busy streets will still happen.

We are vulnerable because there is evil in the world. And there will continue to be evil in the world until Christ returns. Today I spoke with a friend about evil. How funny it is that we can all see evil as an entity-and  speak about it without talking about where it comes from. It seems rare that Satan is mentioned- people continually question what is God doing allowing this suffering but don't want to talk about Satan. In fact in the gallup poll links you can see that more people believe in God than even believe in Satan! How is this possible?

http://www.gallup.com/poll/7858/devil-demographic-details.aspx
http://www.gallup.com/poll/23470/Who-Believes-God-Who-Doesnt.aspx

That baffles my mind- what do we know about God except what the Bible teaches us- and if we use the Bible as our reference how can we not believe in Satan?

Don't pull your children out of public school because you are afraid. Pull them out because you want more time to love on them and enjoy them when they are still young. Pull them out because you know you as a parent *CAN* give them the education they need- an education that extends past the three R's and includes

I've found this free e-book to be helpful to start a Bible study about suffering . http://www.ucg.org/booklet/why-does-god-allow-suffering/

I love to see our homeschooling community growing- there are more classes, groups, opportunities, field trips than even a couple of years ago when we started on this journey- but I don't believe in living our lives based on fear. We cannot fear society. We must do our part - take a stand- protest the gun legislation, fight for funding for mental illness and choose our priorities wisely - investing in our children and their well being.

Puppies are HARD work.

Dog Training

After the terrible disappointment of our last puppy and Parvo we have waited a year for our ground to be clear of any sign of infection and decided it was time again to get another puppy! Meet Spencer.

Puppies are so cute and so soft and snuggly. They hold so much potential and are such a source of joy. Yet in our family getting a puppy is also a lot of work. We run a 2-3 week BOOTCAMP for puppy and kids and parents. Laying most everything else aside we start creating the experiences that we want later on and for the rest of the dog's life.

There are so many amazing dog training books out there but they are not all created equal and I've spent many years reading books and talking to family who have been very successful for dog training and we have a bit of dog training program that has always been very successful for us.

Dog training for me has two part- building the relationship and defining expectations.

Building the relationship is the fun part, the snuggles and playtime joy of watching them discover new things like snow or toys or even their own tail.

Defining expectations is a bit more tedious. We believe that a dog who knows what is expected of them is a better dog and a happier dog. So from the very first day we set those expectations. I don't want to have a dog for the next 10 years that is a handful, that is not reliable and that I am always stressing about. I feel that a bit of hard work during the puppy stage is well rewarded for the rest of the dogs life.

Our motto when training is

" Don't give a command that you cannot make them do or they will think of it as a suggestion"

What that means is that you cannot, from across the room, yell "sit" and expect that will be successful- we teach the children , and remind ourselves that we have to be present and physically able to follow through so that the dog actually is successful EVERY SINGLE TIME that word is said. The only exception if the command "go pee!"

When we first bring puppy home it is a big and scary place and there are lots of rules and expectations. We try to help the puppy be successful by not letting them ever navigate alone in those first days. If puppy is really young (8-9 weeks old) we actually keep them in our arms for most of the first three days, with a couple of hours a couple of times each day in the kennel unless we are outside then they are onleash. They are in our arms because when they have to pee they will squirm and we can rush them outside to their pee spot and say "go pee" and be ready to reward them with treats and snuggles as soon as they pee. When they are outside playing with them onleash and they go to the bathroom we repeat the command "go pee" . We also have a hand signal for every command. It works so much better for the children to have a hand signal because otherwise they sometimes end up saying "do you have to go potty, now is a good time to go" or rather "blah blah blah blah blah" to the pup!!

Within 2-3 days every pup is fully housebroken to our home. It will take much more time before they are housebroken to other homes!! And then pup spends more and more time out of the kennel in the house on leash. Yep, puppy stays on a 6-8 foot leash attached to my belt loop for those first few weeks with the exception of training which may also include a leash but usually a longer one!

This umbilical chord  approach does two things protects and defines roles. First of all it protects the children, I know where the dog is at all times and have the control to be able to pull back the dog if it were to try to hurt them. That has never happened mind you. What it has done many times is save the puppy from getting into trouble or getting hurt (or getting over loved by the children!). It also sets the tone in the family and there have been times when the puppy was particularly nippy with one child so I would attach the leash to that child for the day and the puppy would learn that they are a dog and that position is at the bottom of our family pecking order!

The most important command is "COME". A dog that doesn't have good recall is a dog that is at risk.  We start teaching this command from the very first day. When puppy is running into our arms we say COME. We also do two or three training sessions per day. Little puppies only can handle 5 mins at a time but older puppies can enjoy 20 mins of training and since we use food rewards we always do it BEFORE a mealtime so they are a little hungry and more motivated. 

Why is recall important? Why do you have to know that your dog will always COME on command ? That's easy- how many dogs have gotten out of their leash while out for a walk? Slipped under a fence? slipped out the door when company came over or when the child didn't close the door? Every single dog I've ever owned has had at least one of these experiences. I believe teaching COME is a life or death command.

Putting the puppy on a long and heavier leash (I like the metal ones that are really thin so they are not super heavy but have a bit of weight to them) we set them up with a toy and then move a little bit away and firmly say COME holding our arms open and holding a treat. Once puppy starts to come we repeat the word again - COME- then when puppy gets to us we have a party with lots of snuggles and excitement and head pats and the treat. Sometimes puppy doesn't come immediately, they are distracted or don't' associate that word with them. Then we repeat the word COME and we pull the leash steadily towards ourselves . We do not jerk it or jiggle it, just pull it and repeat the word COME as they are "coming" and once they reach us we have a party and they get a treat. 

After about a week or so they learn to love that word COME- no other word gets such a party or such good treats. Then we move to the lighter weight leash and go farther away and continue to teach this word many times a day. Sometimes with a treat, sometimes without but always with a party of excitement when they reach us.  Finally we move to fishing line. This is an important step because now you can be far away, maybe even out of sight and the puppy doesn't know why they are coming (if they are getting pulled along) but they just do it. They believe that they must come at that command. We take turns with who does this command and we do it inside and outside but always on leash. It generally takes about 2 weeks for this to be a solid command- some puppies have learned it in a day or two but we continue hard core for a few weeks and then reinforce it at least once a day when we can make them do it- this is probably for the first year to be honest. It is easy to get into the habit of using the COME command and having a party. We never use the command if we are discipline our dog. Which brings us to motto number 2.

Puppy will NEVER be punished for obeying a command .

We have found ourselves chasing a puppy to pull something out of their mouth but wouldn't' use the word COME in those early training months because then COME is associated with them losing out on something.

Puppies need to explore with their mouths and we believe that it is super important to give puppies lots of things to chew, different textures and flavours! It has been recommended that we put a drop of vanilla extract on everything that is the puppies so that they associate that scent with what belongs to them. We haven't done it yet but I think it is a good idea and had meant to do it this time. Having puppy attached to you means that you can correct puppy immediately if they are gnawing on your baseboards or trying to chew the mittens.

Puppies should ever have their teeth touch human skin. Nipping , biting and mouthing are normal puppy behaviours but they do not have any room in our home. Every time puppy's teeth touches skin we yelp and turn away ignoring the puppy for 30 seconds. Usually very quickly puppy learns that if he wants to play he will need to have manners. One of the best ways to keep the play going is to have a toy in one hand ready to put gently in the puppy's mouth before they reach the hand. If puppy is biting hard or cannot calm down then they will get some time out in the kennel.

Kennel training is a new thing for us in the last few years. We had gotten a rescue dog that was kennel trained and part of the agreement was that we would provide a kennel. We had no idea how amazing a kennel would be! There are lots of great resources for kennel training. We try to start with the end in mind so we included kennel time right from the beginning because it would be a regular part of pups day at least for the next 2 years!

Our Day

4 am (or whenever they cry) wake up to take puppy out to pee, putting them on leash and not speaking at all except to announce "pee" when they pee. Putting them back in the kennel.

7 :00 am wake up and taking puppy out to pee. Once they pee then a bit of playtime outside and training. Then we all have breakfast as a family and then after we have eaten we take 5-20 mins to do playtime and training for puppy. After this puppy eats and goes back outside right away. We try not to play before they do their "business" because we always want them to go as soon as possible.

8:30 puppy goes in the kennel for 3 hours while we do our daily tasks/chores

11:30 puppy gets taken outside to pee and then playtime and a bit of training and then will come and stay on leash for a few hours at my side.

3:00 puppy gets taken outside to pee and then playtime and a bit of training and then into the kennel until after we finish supper. We might go to the store or we might stay home and just get things done, the puppy learns that the kennel is a normal part of their day.

6:30 after we are finished eating supper puppy gets taken out to pee and then training 5-20 mins and then gets fed again. Then needs to go out again for the next 20-30 mins outside. Then we have family reading/snuggle time so puppy gets some cuddles or gets to play with toys at our feet. We often will barricade the living room and take them off leash and put out toys to have a bit more freedom for an hour or two as we are present but not necessarily working with puppy. No more water given

8:30 puppy goes into the kennel while we do bedtime routine as puppy is never in our bedrooms.

9:30 puppy goes out to pee and play and train and then comes inside to go to bed for the night.